When you're not quite there yet where you want to be
the beginning of the competition season
Hard work doesn’t equal good results. There is a chance that happens, but it’s not guaranteed.
Sometimes I wish it was easier. Mentally. Right now, I think I would be destroyed if a big (international) competition didn’t go how I had planned. And that’s because I attach myself to the result. And no, the solution is not stopping to care about the time or place in a race, because it is important for anyone who works hard, both because he/she loves the sport and because he/she think he/she has a chance of doing something extraordinary.
You work hard because you care.
I heard an athlete saying once that it’s healthier to focus on your personal improvement instead of winning the race. Which sounds promising. So, as an example, this weekend I had one of the worst races of my life and still placed first. And I don’t want to offend anyone, because maybe the people I raced have completely other goals than I do. And that’s actually the problem. I want to have a chance internationally and they, perhaps, just want to have fun and maybe make the national team, which is not bad, I just want to underline the difference. So yes, I think in my case it might be beneficial to not compare myself to my competitors, because winning doesn’t equal what I actually want to obtain. But then I actually get super judgemental because nothing seems to be enough as there can always be an improvement that can be made and winning is no longer a satisfaction.
Or maybe that’s the beauty of sport. You can’t possibly reach perfection. But still, in order to win, you need to get as close as you can to that tipping point.
So, now what? How do I learn to strive for more but still be proud of myself no matter the result? To not be so judgmental when it doesn’t work out. To accept that the process continues.
I think the answer is attachment. And with that comes how I define myself and my worth. Is all who I am the athlete in me? No. But maybe I haven’t tended to my other characters in a while. And maybe it’s not even about the material jobs, like the student. I don’t even know what to think about the question “Who am I?”, because everything that comes up is either a quality or a value. Yes, I’m passionated, hardworking, emotional and I try to be empathic. I believe in trust, friendship, truth and love. But, what if everything I know would disappear? Like nothing I can cling onto would remain. Or all would transform in obsession. I wonder if we can actually understand who we are. Some kind of magic embodied into a physical body that functions upon the laws of physics.
I guess we are that sparkle - the weirdness in us.
Let’s embrace that weirdness even if we don’t really know what it is. That impossible goal can only be reached by doing it your authentic way.
Love the uncommon